I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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