remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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