Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
