Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
