i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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