are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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