He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something