tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
