i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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