In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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