We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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