she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
