I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
