I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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