I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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