I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
