I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
