wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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