you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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