If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
