So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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