I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize