R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
