I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
