I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
