you win again, gameday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
