Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
