I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
