I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
