found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize