My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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