Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
