When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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