Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So squirting runs in the family.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
