My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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