I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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