Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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