I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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