Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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