trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
