I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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