you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize