Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
