Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
