just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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