I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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