Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
