I'm jealous of your bromance
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
false alarm, still single
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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