You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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