we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
