so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
is it fun? or sober?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
