Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
