I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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