Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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