I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
