I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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