you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
